So a lil while ago I hooked this thing we call Tumblr back onto my phone and noticed I was getting followers and reblogs, despite not writing anything for a long long time. So I just checked it out and I have a good few followers following nuttin’ and I just didn’t think that was fair.
I tried a few times to tell you what happened in the end of that story, but it was so messy that I couldn’t really begin to explain and I wasn’t sure where I got to either.
So just to let you know, end it did. Two years ago now, almost exactly. The drugs didn’t stop, the neglect didn’t stop and the psychological/emotional torment didn’t stop. He disappeared for days and days on end and there’s be rumours about girls and there’d be god awful fights.
I was scared to leave because of all the things he did the first time, so eventually I kept pushing the issue that he wants children and I didn’t. It worked, but it took a while.
The irony was that I ended up pregnant from the final time I slept with him and I had to go through the process alone, because he was coked up and couldn’t deal with the situation when I needed his help. I was accused of murdering his child and had a sleepless night full of abuse from him. In the morning I told him it was a false alarm.
Two months later I had moved further into London and didn’t return until the end of the year to see family.
For all those who have read this blog so far, a romantic and tormented love affair it was not. What I experienced with him I have since grown up from and have since learnt it was emotional, psychological and physical abuse. I was blinded because I was young, because he told me he loved me and because I’d never received a slap. But the truth is, suicide threats, violent threats, hands to the throats and all the many things in between, are abuse and not a tragic romance and are signs that it could get much worse.
And it did. About 6 months ago I bumped into his now ex who had been trying to get hold of me for advice, she wanted to know if he’d ever been violent or agressive. She has pictures on her phone where he’d thrown her down the stairs, broken her thumb and left her with bruises. I gave her my number but I haven’t heard since.
Through the grape vine I have been told he’s continuously cheating and is getting in more and more debt with drug dealers. I hope for his sake and the girls he meets that he changes, I don’t really feel that his life is heading in a good direction and if kids are his main priority, he needs to set better foundations than a broken relationship and a drug habit. But anyway, that’s no longer my concern.
Me? Well you can find me in Africa, visiting family and volunteering with my beautiful new partner of eight months. I’m on sabbatical and am running a project over here, whilst working on healing some old wounds.
But fear not! If it’s more of a story you’re after, there’s a hell of one behind this love.